


feels just like a dagger buried deep in your back

by aarobron



Series: i just wanted to hold you in my arms [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 15:54:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12112131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aarobron/pseuds/aarobron
Summary: the one where connor catches aaron and robert.or,“What’s going on?” A voice asks. Sounds dejected and angry all at the same time. Robert shifts off of Aaron so fast he nearly falls off the bed but his boyfriend’s (is he? Is Aaron his boyfriend?) fingers curl into his sleeve to catch him.Connor. Fuck.“Connor, wait-“ He says, but Connor doesn’t wait for an explanation – just turns on his heel and slams the door behind him, the windows rattling from the force. “Fuck!”“Rob,” Aaron murmurs. His voice is soothing, calm and gentle. Robert doesn’t understand how he’s like this right now. “Come here.” He smooths a hand over Robert’s shoulder blade and pulls him in at the same time, until they’re chest-to-chest, the older man’s face tucked into Aaron’s shoulder.





	feels just like a dagger buried deep in your back

**Author's Note:**

> here it is! you can thank kc and malorie for this one - and i have to admit, i actually started writing it before i'd finished the first part.
> 
> title from [miss atomic bomb by the killers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qok9Ialei4c)
> 
> happy reading! x

When Connor catches them, it’s Robert’s fault. He’d been too wrapped up in Aaron to notice the time, to realise that his flatmate would be back any second.

It’s been six weeks and four days since Aaron split up with Connor, and four weeks and three days since he and Robert had started seeing each other. 

Robert was done with biding his time - sometimes, the important things need taking care of.

They were careful, though, timing it so Connor was at work, or taking weekends off to find a hotel by the sea, with Robert claiming he was going to see his family. He doesn’t want to hurt his best friend; that’s not what any of this is about. Quite the opposite, in fact. He just wants Aaron too much to stay away.

And that’s why the younger man is in his bed, still fully dressed with a flush on his face and a laugh bubbling out of his chest. “You’re unbelievable, Robert,” He giggles, but he links their fingers all the same.

“You love me, though,” Robert grins, pulling Aaron until they’re forehead to forehead, nose to nose. “I’ve got it on good authority that you have, in fact, been in love with me for at least a year and a half.” He punctuates his point with a soft, open-mouthed kiss to Aaron’s lips.

He visibly melts, relaxing against the mattress and Robert’s body. “Yeah,” He murmurs, tucking his free hand under his head. “I do.”

He doesn’t look ashamed about it like he did five weeks and six days ago, but his eyelashes dip under the weight of vulnerability. God, Robert loves him.

He kisses him again, harder this time. Deeper.

He’s still got the piece of paper tucked inside a book his mother gave him, a thicker strip than Robert’s and rougher folds. It reads, ‘maybe he feels the same’ in Aaron’s scruffy writing, and he keeps it with his important things - the things he doesn’t want to lose.

Aaron had called him soft when he’d seen it, but he’d smiled all the same and carded his fingers through Robert’s hair. 

He doesn’t want to lose this.

“I love you too, you know,” The older man whispers, feeling the tug of vulnerability on his own heart.

Aaron makes a show of rolling his eyes, face curled up in a cheeky grin. “Yeah, I know. You only tell me twice a minute.”

Robert makes an undignified noise of protest, shifts until he’s straddling Aaron over the duvet, knees on either side of his hips. “How dare you,” He gasps, mock offended. His hands borrow under the duvet, fingers fitting into the gaps between the younger man’s ribs. 

It’s a trick he learnt months ago - Aaron is beyond ticklish, and he’s learnt to use it when he needs to. He’s never forgotten.

Aaron cries out a laugh, begs for mercy, whines Robert’s name. “Stop!” He giggles, breathless, locking his fingers around Robert’s wrists.

“Alright,” Robert concedes, fitting their palms together and tangling their fingers. He pushes Aaron’s hands into the mattress and rests his weight on the younger man. “On one condition.”

“What?” Aaron asks. He’s turned his head: there’s a warm puff of air on the shell of Robert’s ear and Aaron’s soft beard scratching against his cheek. It feels like heaven.

Robert lowers his weight again until he’s spread out over Aaron, keeping him grounded. It feels like he’s saying _mine_. “We get to stay like this forever.”

Aaron considers it for a minute, fingertips stroking lazily up and down Robert’s spine. The touch makes him shiver. “Sounds perfect,” He murmurs, voice gravelly and full of emotion, like he actually wants to.

“What’s going on?” A voice asks. Sounds dejected and angry all at the same time. Robert shifts off of Aaron so fast he nearly falls off the bed but his boyfriend’s (is he? Is Aaron his boyfriend?) fingers curl into his sleeve to catch him.

 _Connor_. Fuck.

“Connor, wait-“ He says, but Connor doesn’t wait for an explanation – just turns on his heel and slams the door behind him, the windows rattling from the force. “Fuck!” 

“Rob,” Aaron murmurs. His voice is soothing, calm and gentle. Robert doesn’t understand how he’s like this right now. “Come here.” He smooths a hand over Robert’s shoulder blade and pulls him in at the same time, until they’re chest-to-chest, the older man’s face tucked into Aaron’s shoulder. 

“I didn’t want him to find out like this,” Robert whispers, the words muffled by Aaron’s skin. “I didn’t- I’m sorry.” He can feel his cheeks are wet. Aaron’s t-shirt is damp.

The younger man sighs and cards his fingers through Robert’s hair, tiny circles on his scalp that help with the way his hands are trembling. “I know you didn’t,” He says quietly. “And that’s what you need to tell Connor.”

.

It’s hours, but it feels like it could be days, before Connor comes home. He looks- wrecked is the only word that Robert could come up with, but his best friend just walks straight past him and flicks the kettle on.

“Hey,” Aaron whispers to capture Robert’s attention. He turns his head, sees sadness in those blue eyes. “I’ll get off, alright? You don’t need me here making things worse.” Robert just nods, leans into Aaron when the younger man drops a kiss onto his hairline, and feels overwhelmingly cold when he leaves. 

“Over already, is it?” Connor asks, sounding disinterested. It’s all a lie, though, because Robert knows him too well. Even if he didn’t, well, the hoarseness of his voice would give it all away.

Robert makes a frustrated sound in the base of his throat and stands up, following Connor into the kitchen. He leans against the counter, curls his fingers around the edge of it. Digs his nails in, feels the blunt ache of pain ground him. “Can we please talk about this?” He asks, keeping his voice carefully even. 

“I don’t see what there is to talk about,” Connor replies bluntly, clanging the spoon against the mug too hard. It’s the only sound in the room, aside from the rush of Robert’s blood in his ears. “You were clearly shagging my boyfriend behind my back.”

“Connor, no-“ He takes a deep breath, steadies the beating of his heart. “That’s not what happened. We never did anything behind your back.” 

Connor finally turns, stares Robert dead in the eyes. He looks _furious_ , barely concealed anger thrumming under his skin. “So you just made him break up with me so you could fuck him?” He says, tea abandoned on the counter.

“No! I mean- I’ve always… I’ve always been in love with him, Connor. I can’t help that,” He murmurs, and stares at the floor. He’s never liked arguing with his flatmate – and they have argued, _a lot_ , but there’s something about this that feels too fragile. Too breakable. 

“Why let him get with me then?” The younger man counters. 

Robert huffs out a laugh, short and unhappy. “When can anyone ever tell Aaron what to do?” He half smiles, but it drops at Connor’s frown. “I didn’t tell him how I felt. Not until-“ The words die in his throat, and realisation dawns on Connor’s face.

“So you wait until we’ve been together for a _year_ and then you tell him? What kind of friend are you?” He spits, pushing himself away from the counter and towards Robert. 

The older man straightens but doesn’t move away, doesn’t let Connor push him away. “I didn’t tell him. He found out,” He mumbles, avoiding eye contact. 

“How, exactly? Did he read your diary?” 

“Something like that,” Robert sighs. “Look, I never meant to break you up. I never meant for him to find out, I never meant for any of this. I’m sorry that it’s happened, I really am, but you have to understand-” 

“I don’t have to _understand_ anything!” Connor snaps, clearly anguished. His hands curl into fists, and Robert silently prays that he doesn’t intend on using them. “It’s always you, isn’t it!? Robert Sugden, gets what he wants and doesn’t care how he gets it - _especially_ if it’s something he can’t have! Aaron was supposed to be _mine_!” 

Robert stares for a minute, processes his best friend’s words. “You are joking,” He says flatly. “If you think Aaron is anyone’s but his own then you never deserved him in the first place.” 

Connor’s face twists into something cruel and unpleasant. Robert’s stomach drops. “I bet you’ve always thought that, haven’t you? Oh, look, Aaron is _clearly_ way out of Connor’s league – I wonder how I can ruin another relationship? How many ways can I fuck _this_ one up?” He spits, stepping forward. “Because you would always come out on top if it was a competition between the two of us!” 

“I don’t have to listen to this,” Robert says, shaking his head. He pushes past Connor, grabs his jacket from the back of the sofa. “You’re unbelievable.”

The last thing he hears is Connor calling him a prick as the door slams shut.

He gets to the pub on autopilot and doesn’t wait for Chas’ permission before he’s shouldering his way to the back room. When that comes up empty, he takes the stairs two at a time, barely pausing to knock before he pushes the door open, and Aaron’s standing before he has the chance to stay anything.

“Hey, hey,” Aaron soothes, steadying himself when Robert barrels into him for a hug. “What happened?” He rubs his fingers in tiny circles over the knots in Robert’s neck, tucks his nose just behind Robert’s ear.

“It didn’t go well,” Robert admits, like it’s not the understatement of the century. “Can I stay here? Please.” He tries to stop the shaking by clenching his fingers into the back of Aaron’s hoodie.

The younger man hums, voice calm and doing wonders to still the hurricane that is Robert’s mind. “Of course you can,” He whispers, guiding them back towards the bed. He lowers both of them, lets Robert press up close to him. “You’ve always got somewhere to go, with me.”

.

It’s been four days of silence from Connor, but four days of hushed admissions from Robert. 

He’d whispered, _I don’t think I do deserve you_ , as Aaron pressed his cold feet onto his legs.

He’d whispered, _I’m such a horrible person_ , as Aaron tightened his fingers around his wrist.

He’d whispered, _You shouldn’t have broken up with him_ , as Aaron dragged his lips through the soft hair on the back of his neck.

He’d whispered, _I love you so much it scares me_ , as Aaron tucked his nose into his neck.

It’s also been four long days of scathing looks from Chas, accusing him of ruining her son’s relationship – which, okay, yeah, Robert was never going to deny that – but she’s slowly thawing. This morning, she’d even cornered him in the kitchen and told him that Aaron seemed happier than he was with Connor.

Small victories, really, even if it had felt like a punch to the chest at the time. 

Still, though, it was also four days of waking up to Aaron – to his sleepy eyes and soft smiles and curly hair. It was four days of waking up to gentle kisses, to slow fingertips drifting over his skin. 

But if something seems too good to be true, it usually is. 

Robert’s just putting Aaron’s pint on the table when his phone vibrates in his pocket. He knows it’ll either be spam or- well, it won’t be Connor, will it? But he fishes it out anyway, and almost drops it again when he reads the text.

_Come back. Need to talk_

Another texts comes in, and Aaron’s peering over his shoulder. 

_Bring Aaron_

“Oh,” The younger man says, barely audible. He frowns, but curls his fingers into Robert’s palm anyway – a silent show of camaraderie, of support. “That’s… unexpected.”

Robert blinks, stares at his phone and then at Aaron’s hand on his, and breathes out. “Yeah,” He murmurs. He doesn’t know what Connor expects to get from this – except more heartache, of course.

“We are going, yeah?” Aaron whispers, shifting closer. Robert doesn’t know how he does that: how he reads Robert, how he knows what Robert needs, how he gives it without asking and without thinking about it, how he.

“We owe him an explanation,” Robert admits, dipping his head. He feels Aaron’s nose brush along the vein in his neck, feels Chas’ eyes from him from across the bar. “At the very least, that’s what we owe him.” 

.

“So,” Connor says. He’s sat in the armchair across from them, body and eyes hard lines and solid steel. He still looks furious – not that Robert could blame him – but he seems like he’s going to listen, at least. “So you didn’t… You didn’t do anything behind my back?” 

Robert opens his mouth to reply, even though he doesn’t quite know what to say, but Aaron’s hand on his arm stops him. “We wouldn’t do that to you, Connor,” The younger man says quietly. He looks earnest and honest, and Robert hopes Connor can see that. “We didn’t even… We waited. After me and you finished, we waited because we didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” 

“And you don’t think fucking my _best friend_ would hurt me?” Connor snaps. 

“You know as well as I do that you can’t help your feelings, Connor!” Aaron hisses. His face is burning red and he leans forward, fingers biting into the hard wood of the coffee table. Jesus, seeing Aaron like this – Connor would never let Robert get away with it. 

Connor scoffs, leans back. Probably away from Aaron’s line of destruction, which is fair, all things considered, but he looks like he doesn’t have a care in the world. He looks like he’s not sitting opposite the personification of his betrayal. “Bet you didn’t even have feelings for me, did you?” 

“Of course I did!” Aaron sighs. Robert blinks, stares between them, feelings smoke from the raging anger in the room curling around his eyelashes. It burns his nostrils, settles on his tongue. “D’you really think I’d have stayed with you for a _whole year_ if I didn’t?” 

“Well, how am I to know? I clearly don’t know you at all, because I never thought you’d do this to me.” He flips to sounding sad so easily – dejected – and Robert wonders if he’s just an incredible actor. “And you – the great _Robert Sugden_ \- it’s exactly what I expected from you. Complete fucking homewrecker!” 

Aaron stands up suddenly, knees knocking the table out of the way. “Don’t you dare talk about him like that!” He spits, pointing an accusing finger in Connor’s direction. “You have no idea how he’s felt since you found out. He’s hated himself, and you’re saying that he _wanted_ this?” 

Connor laughs, short and cruel, and he leans back even further. He’s still unphased by Aaron’s outburst, just smirks, cold and calculating. “Oh, how sweet! Like a knight in shining armour, running to your defence. Although I never did think you were big on talking, Aaron.” He breathes. He sounds so calm – terrifyingly so. 

“Maybe it’s just you-“ Aaron hisses, but Robert grips his wrist, pulls him down. He falls with a sigh, and then peers at Robert curiously.

“Connor,” Robert starts, voice low and careful. “I know we’ve hurt you but this – this isn’t you. Can you just… stop with the remarks and let us explain? That’s why we’re here.” He makes his eyes wide, lets his face portray his honesty. He hopes it works. 

Connor visibly deflates, lets down his walls. “Yeah, I know,” He sighs. 

“Just listen, yeah? Me and Aaron… God. I’ve loved him since I met him – since the very day I met him. And I kept it to myself for _all this time_ because I didn’t want to fuck it up for you. But I can’t keep it to myself forever, can I? I was just- I just wrote it all down. Those stars, you remember?” Connor nods and Aaron dips his head, listens to the words.

“I felt the same,” The younger man admits, letting his fingertips brush over the back of Robert’s hand. “But I did love you, Connor, I honestly did. I thought Robert didn’t want me, and you wanted me, and I _liked_ you so I wanted to give it a go. And then I found those stars…” 

Connor blinks, eyes wet and breath hitching. “And I wasn’t enough?” 

“I couldn’t force myself to love you when I still loved Robert,” He says instead, reaching a hand across to Connor’s knee. “That’s not fair on you.” 

“No,” Connor breathes, dropping his head. “It’s not. But why- why couldn’t you just _wait_!?” He moves his knee, shifts out of Aaron’s reach.

Robert closes his eyes, breathes out to the count of ten. “We _did_ \- I mean, we wanted to wait longer, but it was just…” He sighs and shakes his head. “But we weren’t gonna tell you. Not yet. And I’m sorry, we both are, but you weren’t meant to find out like that.”

Connor bites his lower lip, worries the skin between his teeth. “I- I know that I can’t stop you, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. But I can’t stop you seeing each other, and I’ll be okay with it eventually… But just don’t rub it in my face. That’s all I’m asking.” 

“God, Connor,” Aaron murmurs. He risks a glance at Robert, gauges his reaction. “We wouldn’t do that anyway.”

“Then I guess I’m okay with it. I mean, I will be, eventually.” Connor says. It sounds like music to Robert’s ears – a blessing, or maybe even a curse– but it’s _enough_ that they can salvage this fucking friendship. That’s all he wanted.

.

“You alright?” Aaron asks. His voice is sweet, concerned, and it sounds all that much nicer when his fingertips are scratching minute circles into Robert’s scalp.

The older man sighs contentedly and buries his face a little further into Aaron’s stomach. “I’m good,” He confirms, letting his fingers slide under his boyfriend’s shirt and rest on the thin skin over his hipbone. “Do you think today went well?” 

Aaron thinks about it for a minute, silent even though his hand doesn’t stop moving. “I think it went as good as it could have done,” He whispers. “And you were incredible. You do know that, yeah?” 

“It doesn’t matter what I said to him today,” Robert murmurs. He lets his lips brush over Aaron’s belly, clings to the shudder that travels down his spine. “I still betrayed him, didn’t I? And I don’t even know what kind of person that makes me.” He wipes his eyes roughly, and feels Aaron shift down the bed until they’re laying face-to-face, touching nose to nose. 

“That doesn’t make you _anything_ , Robert,” Aaron says firmly. He kisses Robert, once, twice, then a third time, hard and unrelenting. And once again, Robert wonders how Aaron can read him so well. “You heard what he said. He just needs time, and we can give him that.” 

“Yeah,” Robert breathes. He curls his fingers into Aaron’s hair, pulls him forward for a messy, fast kiss. Connor needs time.

And Robert feels like he’s got forever with Aaron.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @ [aarobron](http://aarobron.tumblr.com/) xo


End file.
